dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
