I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Randomize
