For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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