New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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