I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Randomize
