he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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