It's Friday. Sex?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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