Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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