dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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