I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
