I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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