so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Randomize
