Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Randomize
