You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
