I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
