either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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