his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
