Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
