If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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