I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
