dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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