Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
