so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
