At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
