you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
