I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
