He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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