I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
