He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
