Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Everything about him screamed your future.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
