Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
