i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
