i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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