yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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