His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
