I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
This is the high leading the old right now
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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