it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
