Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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