Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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