My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
