I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
