So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Your cock deserves a montage
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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