Pregnant stripper...not hot.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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