She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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