If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
