He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I cut my penus on the lid.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
