Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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