How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
