I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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