what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
