Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
