If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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