It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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