i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
