....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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