: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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