I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
