Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
