So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
