its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Randomize
