you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
